ASEAN Journal of Psychiatry peer review process verified at publons. However later on she has also accepted co-wife because of infertility and destiny. Want to have a happier, healthier marriage? Too many people are dying because of the conflict between monogamy and polygamy. Your spouse may still have lingering feelings associated with the former marriage, including guilt, shame, regret, anger, sadness, or many others. Third theme: The coping strategies used by polygamous women have included faith in religion, fate role, and compromise with the co-wives. Second theme: outcomes of polygamy as jealousy, unhappiness, and loneliness due to injustice, by the spouse were explored as potential pitfalls of polygamy. The first theme was generated from the verbatim of the first question which was asked to polygamous women. They often include not-so-subtle warnings about what's to come, designed to keep you strong and united in the face of conflict, change, hardship, kids. I knew society is very cruel and it would be very tough for me to bring up them without father." Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. According to Ali Kurbanov, a 27-year-old practicing Muslim who is also looking for a second wife, it is difficult for a woman to agree to her husband's second marriage, however, if a woman. She also explained, "I never made differences among children". But when a man marries for the second time he knows what he's getting into. Now she was not ready for 3rd. 2019; 86(3): 1332-1370. But thats not how it works out for everyone. But the . In this concern two research experts (co-authors) were consulted. Not many people like a second wife. Lots of people are betraying their partners while pretending to be monogamous. The study was an attempt to gain perspective about the causes of polygamy, its consequences, and the most important womens ways of coping strategies in polygamous marriages. They also threatened her with divorce. Wed both been married before, but does that really matter? A sample of 11 polygamous women was included through snowball sampling from the different cities of the province of Punjab, Pakistan with an age range of 18-50 years. Eva wasn't happy, but her husband went ahead and traditionally married the two women without her consent. Even extended family like grandparents, aunts, and uncles, etc., may not ever see you as an actual parent of the other persons biological child. I realized, several years after I remarried, that one of my oldest friends never quite forgave me for getting on with life after my divorce. Christianity condemns polygamy as an offence against the dignity of marriage, insisting that conjugal love between a man and wife must be mutual and unreserved, undivided and exclusive. These findings have implications for policymakers and family advisors. 5. Mrs. Arslan did not avail of divorce and said it was her fate to share her husband with her co-wife for the future of her children. Polygamy has become common practice in many communities including Pakistan. We have also learned of situations where a man is forced by his family to take a second wife because his parents disapprove of his first wife for any number of reasons (they didn't choose her, his mother no longer likes her, she's not the right nationality, ethnicity, skin tone, caste, race etc). The outcomes of polygamous marriages have also been seen. There are many stereotypes associated with being a second wife. Your wedding is your wedding and you can do whatever you want. If he does so, either in public or secret, she has the right to divorce him. Yet we make as felicitous a stepfamily as you are likely to find. He may be wounded and certain things may trigger an emotional response, such as . You feel the need to establish more control over the decisions of your partner. The strength of the study is an attempt to seek the coping strategies of co-wives to deal with such relationships in the Pakistani context. However, on appeal the. Current Psychology. Her husband got married to Miss Sobia who was the 2nd wife and it was again a love marriage. Over breakfast her husband told her something that would make any woman choke on her toast: he wanted to take a second wife. Lower incentive to cheat in a marriage. But after few months it was disclosed. The sharia, Islamic family laws, and international human rights law: Examining the theory and practice of polygamy and talaq. A qualitative methodology was adopted to explore the experiences of polygamous women. When her husband refused, she said that she convinced and allowed her husband for second marriage. You know, its so sad because the new wives are also being treated horribly by my father but theyre too proud to talk to my mother because of the way they mistreated her.. Al-Krenawi A, Graham JR. A comparison of family functioning, life, and marital satisfaction, and mental health of women in polygamous and monogamous marriages. An interview guide was prepared before conducting interviews which were consisted of the following research questions based on literature. Al-Sharfi M, Pfeffer K, Miller KA. Only 11 of the 26 women agreed to participate in the study. The difficulty is usually with the first wife. Cecilia says her husband married a second wife purely for his own physical desires and greed. They know what they want and work hard they dont just take the mans words as the Bible.. During my final two years in my first marriage, I was constantly telling my friends how I wanted to make my relationship work. He was a handsome 25-year-old who worked as a miner, and when he asked her gogo if he could marry Lillian, Nomqondiso agreed. While in many cites it has been claimed that if a man is unable to maintain justice and equality to treat all the wives then the above verse is interpreted as in favour of monogamy [2]. All are located in new apartment buildings in good neighborhoods; their total value is about $5 million. She does not have an apartment . Now the first wife has no say. Depending on the source, divorce rates are pretty scary. It doesnt mean that it wont last. 2015; 12(3): 267-289. How Psychologically Conditioned Rats Are Defusing Landmines, The Innate Intelligence Observed in the Dying Process. A typical statistic out there now says that 50 percent of first marriages end in divorce, and 60 percent of second marriages end in divorce. He proposed for marriage to me as a second wife. Confidentiality of the data was ensured to all the participants. Women experienced various degrees of emotional difficulties including jealousy, unhappiness, loneliness, and lack of intimacy with their spouses. 2008; 148(6): 745-764. The advantages of polygamy were included sharing in-house responsibilities and child-rearing. But that's not the case in Canada, says Imam Hamid Slimi of the Sayeda Khadija . It is still bound to have some of the same relationship issues that we all face from time to time. "Eva*, now 60 was married to my father for 28 years, and then one day he said he would like to add two more wives - they were twins," she recalls. Should second wives post billboards proclaiming that we are not necessarily women who flounce through life wearing ankle bracelets, feather boas, and alligator shoes? Mrs. Abdullah also told though they have minor disputes among co-wives still they help each other. Kadyrov's second wife also has a place to stay in Moscow, with three apartments registered in her name. The study was conducted in 2017 with approval from the institution and polygamous women. She was living with her husband first 10 years of her marriage. Did You Know Anxiety Can Enhance Our Relationships? After the wedding they all moved into a bigger house with cottages at the back for the children. Could be many factors, but since a person in the marriage has already gone through a divorce, the option seems available and not as scary. Which Board Game Sums Up Your Life: "Aggravation"? It stayed almost one year that we hide our relation to his first his wife, because he told me, that he want to inform his wife, when he will be in front of her, since that she was in her home country and it . She was living with her in-laws and never allowed her husband to live with his second wife in the same household. Though later on, she had a good relation with 2nd wife. Mrs. Amir had no baby so she said, "It's Allah's plan for me and I have accepted my fate". Could Your Relationship Benefit from Marital Counseling? She said that she convinced her husband for 2nd marriage because of her illness. Eva wasnt happy, but her husband went ahead and traditionally married the two women without her consent. Mrs. Mustafa though convinced her husband of second marriage but she said I was very much distressed and lonely after the 2nd marriage of my husband. She said "After it, my husband was not trustworthy for me anymore. The findings were consistent may be due to cultural and religious resemblance because Al-Krenawi and his colleagues conducted their study in Arab states. It can be challenging when you expect those normally happen times of the year to be a certain way, but then they arent so much. Yet there are many other cultures that support a mans choice to take more than one wife and believe it is something that can benefit the women as well. This can lead to a much-known phenomenon known as the second wife syndrome.. Exploring the mediation effects of anger rumination and willingness to forgive on the association between self-compassion and romantic jealousy. Her in-laws forced her husband to marry another female because of only female children. The policymakers and law enforcement agencies should pass laws for the welfare of polygamous women. Mrs. Tanveer was though accepted her husband's second wife but she told, when my husband got married to the second wife this sharing was indeed hurting for me. Mrs. Imam was 58 years old working lady living with her 2 children and a relationship with her co-wife. When she asked her husband, he refused to accept it. Understand that he couldve cheated, but rather chose something that is common in African culture. Thamsanqa says its important to make sure you really want another wife, and to thoroughly analyse your reasons. She said that time was very painful for me and my little daughters. Both were a happy couple with 2 boys and 1 baby girl. The second wife shouldn't marry unless he promises to tell the first wife. But that doesnt mean that they arent a little wounded. Data collection from the participants may have been affected by differences in age, years, and rank in marriage, educational level, and religious faiths. The sensitivity and the comfort level of discussing polygyny may have affected the sample size. In some countries like India, Iran, Iraq, Bangladesh, Algeria, Lebanon, Morocco, Jordan, and Kuwait allow a woman to include a clause prohibiting polygyny in marriage contacts. Polygamy; Antecedents of Polygamy; Outcomes of Polygamy; Coping Strategies of Co-wives. Female infanticide and killing women for giving birth to a baby girl a case study of Pakistan inproceedings of socioint14-international conference on social sciences and humanities. The co-wives shared their several experiences and reasons why they allowed their husbands for 2nd or 3rd marriage. Following subthemes were included in these main theme categories. A new law that went into effect in Kenya this week makes it legal for a man to marry as many women as he wants. Khattak AK. Not the wives of college friends, not old relatives who can't remember new names but who remember that they shelled out good money for a fancy gift the first time around, and especially not the original wife, who thinks of herself as the bona fide wife. Eva*, now 60 was married to my father for 28 years, and then one day he said he would like to add two more wives they were twins, she recalls. She was a nurse and divorce. Rossi P. Strategic choices in polygamous households: Theory and evidence from Senegal. According to Mrs. Abdullah (3rd wife: Amina), she and other wives are living in the same home and got along well. Mrs. Tanveer was 39 years old lady. : A Liberal Case Against Polygamy. She has been married for 40 years. So, you're happily married to the Muslim man of your dreams when, suddenly, he drops the p-bomb: polygamy. The interviews were verified for accuracy and consistency by listening to the recordings. Polygamy as sort of status symbol. They are sister wives, which means they have a friendship as well. Every possibility seems available to them. Miss Nadia was the 2nd wife of Mr. Imam. So, I was second selection of my in-laws." After her husbands second marriage she said, I moved to a separate household, to me, it works best because I dont have to see her (co-wife) come into the house to visit my husband. But by then, no one can picture you without that first friend. ASEAN Journal of Psychiatry received 934 citations as per google scholar report, Research Article - ASEAN Journal of Psychiatry (2021), Received: 20-Nov-2021 She also stated that "whenever I am depressed, I am used to saying my prayers and get relief because divorce is not an option for me." We have an ordinary life. First theme: reasons of polygamy as findings indicated that majority of females allowed their husbands for co-wives due to infertility or having only female children, husbands love marriage, and in-laws family pressure because they wanted to secure their marriage instead of divorce. Ethnology. His family says it was unaware of any "second. What are the disadvantages of being a second wife? 'I don't care about anything. The current study provides preliminary data on women in polygamous marriages and the foundation for further research. 2009; 103(1): 17-29. Al-Krenawi A, Slonim-Nevo V. Success and failure among polygamous families: The experience of wives, husbands, and children. Illiteracy, being a wife of a husband with three and more other wives, current history of depression, intimate partner violence, and poor social support were significantly associated with suicidal . Polygyny, the marriage of a man and two or more women at the same time, includes an analogous sororal . This is by far the most common (and the most frequently legal) form of polygamy. Current findings are in line in terms of infertile women who accepted co-wives rather than divorce but those having children never bother to admit or respect co-wives as one of female told she is living in a separate home. In a previous study by the perceived advantages of polygyny included sharing house chores and child-rearing similarly in the present study most of the polygamous women were reported particularly the infertile women helped the co-wives to bring up their children as well as daily household activities. Second marriages are like the mature version of you getting married again. A married couple that stays together can rack up plenty of debt, but what about a marriage that ends? Initially, uBaba wanted me to stop working and look after the business as well but my calling is nursing, says a shy Thembi, 52, as she finally joins the conversation. Mrs. Mustafa said, she approved and permitted her husband to 2nd marriage. Women need to be empowered with education and positive affirmation of self-worth. Are self-compassionate partners less jealous? "I'm in a traditionalist polygamist relationship. Grab Now! In times of uncertainty you need journalism you can trust. You constantly feel that your partner knowingly or unknowingly puts his previous family before you and your needs. Being Muslim doesn't change the biology of pain, of envy, and of sadnessthese are human emotions that are consequences of the act. 5. Emerging broken, bruised and bleeding from a previous fall when the parachute didn't quite open, he is. By marrying uBaba Ive not only gained an amazing husband and beautiful children Ive also gained a sister I wouldnt otherwise have had. But over the years, as we get in our 30s and 40s, we mature and realize that life just happens, no matter if you plan for other things. You feel stuck and feel as if you do not belong where you are. Polygamy is often confused with polyamory and bigamy. Lateron, both married. Mrs. Gulzar was another first/senior wife having three daughters. Being a parent is hard enough; in reality. To evaluate the outcomes of the relationship between co-wives. Being a parent is hard enough; in reality, being a stepparent is out of this world hard. She almost lost her life I couldnt bear the thought of losing her. He kisses the back of Lillians hand as he talks. Further, they accepted co-wives as fate roles and made compromises rather than separation in most of the wives even they had kids. Instead it is the familiar routine of waking to an arm around your waist, the companionable bathroom talk with mouths full of toothpaste, and the idea that someone will know if you dont make it home at night. She said, "1st wife of my husband is working so 2nd wife of my husband and I used to manage the household chores. Naturally, I instantly felt like I wasnt woman enough for him, Lillian says. Policy-makers should be made aware of the implications of polygamous marriages on womens health and well-being.