Navy Jokes Contents New Jokes Funniest Navy Jokes TIL that you can get dishonorably discharged from the Navy for boarding the wrong vessel just once Whoops, wrong sub When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85. 68. He saluted and nearly chopped off his own head. Trash-talking is all fun and games but every single man on the field would sacrifice it all for his country. You can find out more about our use, change your default settings, and withdraw your consent at any time with effect for the future by visiting Cookies Settings, which can also be found in the footer of the site. Having passed the enlistment physical, Jon was asked by the doctor, Why do you want to join the Navy, son? My father said itd be a good idea, sir. Oh? 3. The guy responds, well, before you tell that joke, you should know that I'm 6-foot tall, I weigh 200 pounds, and I'm in the army.. #17 - 10. The army corporal was the Lone Ranger to survive boot camp. I have enough hands on deck. Did you hear about the man that shared a rented property with another man in the Army? And what does your father do? Hes in the Army, sir.. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces. How did Steve get his lungs injured when he was serving? Dad: The first time I sent some private to find batteries for the chem lights. Have you heard about the karate champion who joined the navy? If you purchase using the buy now button we may earn a small commission. Q: How come the Army football team doesn't have a website?A: They can't string three "W's" together. The towns people just shrugged again. A navy seal. 15. He doesn't like talking about it. All you idiots fall out." As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention. So one day, I said, "Play a flat major. He said, "No, thanks. One day, I sent my baby one day to the Army. 16. -Turns out he shot the cook. Rajnandini is an art lover and enthusiastically likes to spread her knowledge. What would you call the camera of a soldier? 3 votes. Then was put KP. Cam-o. The general discloses to a nearby major, "I'm worried that we don't have enough troops for the mission." The major replies, "I'm sorry, sir, but that seems like a personnel problem." #3. 10. One day, I sent my baby one day to the Army. "My sergeant tells me to 'pile it . Boot Camp. The bad thing was it wasn't even my point some A-hole put a cem light on a tree. When a woman talks dirty to a military man, it's $3.95 a minute. Soon after the test began the first guy turns to the second guy and asks, Old MacDonald had a what?, To which the second replied, E-I-E-I-O.. Navy Jokes 17. We also link to other websites, but are not responsible for their content. ", "No," they replied, "every few miles down the interstate we saw signs that said, 'Exit, Clean Restrooms'. Never mind. Marine Corps Jokes #4. What is the main similarity between the army and musical composition? 4. What do you get when you drive slowly by the Military Academy campus? I replied, "Thank you, sir!". The P.J. 48. 19. 73. A Navy Chief and an Admiral were sitting in the barbershop. 53. Have you heard about the karate champion who joined the army? What Branch of the Military Do Babies Join?The infantry! He fell from the horse and was nearly trampled to death. 22. Marine said" I would pick it up by the tail/stinger & eat it. The gynecologist gave the lady a veteran discount and told her, "Thank you ma'am, for your cervix.". -Slam the toilet lid down on his head. I once heard a story about a Roman army that became famous after selling milk products to people. They'd be the specialists. A Drill Sergeantlemen. What did the Navy say to the coast guards? 22. I wanted to know if my dad ever got shot while he was serving. British Army Military Diver Training; Australian Elite & Special Forces. Why did the soldier decide to cut a hole in their carpet? 14. 7 Cs. The navy is beginning to recruit blind men.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[336,280],'laffgaff_com-banner-1','ezslot_9',660,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-banner-1-0'); When I was in the Navy, I was on the deck of a destroyer one day, and I saw a the periscope of an enemy submarine surface nearby.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_5',661,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_6',661,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2-0_1');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_7',661,'0','2'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2-0_2');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_8',661,'0','3'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2-0_3');.large-leaderboard-2-multi-661{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:3px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:3px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:250px;min-width:300px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}. The Navy has been winning on the field for the Army/Navy Game for years. If air traffic controllers screw up, pilots also die. Anyone using the information provided by Kidadl does so at their own risk and we can not accept liability if things go wrong. ", 97. 20. He said, "Battle, Buddy! Subscribe for virtual tools, STEM-inspired play, After a lot study, they decided on Dachshunds. Q: How many West Point plebes does it take to change a lightbulb?A: None, it's a second-year course. Jokes about the different military branches are as old as the military. A private asks a sergeant: Is it true that man descended from a monkey? VetFriends.com has the largest online collection of authentic Military Photos established in 2000 by a U.S. 10. I guess he is a seasoned veteran now. 99. He was scared of de-feet. It is not that they don't speak the same language as the country they belong to, but their unique lingo helps create a sense of unity. These are the people fighting on the borders of our country and putting their lives on the line so that we can live peaceful lives. Except on Army/Navy game day, then they are suddenly sailors. There was a lot of laughter and some raised their hands and said they did. It's what we do! It was one in ten dead. Im not hungry enough for six.. My wife doesnt know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like.. When the Marine is finished, he washes his hands and then catches up to the Airman. Q: How come the Army football team doesnt have a website? He walks in the cabin and walks directly back out. sailors have a long tradition of telling tall tales, and navy jokes are just one more way to pass the time and make people laugh. -Air (Force) Rejected Me Yesterday. As an Amazon Associate, Kidadl earns from qualifying purchases. The Best Short Military Jokes 1. What should have been the day we chose to celebrate World Military Day? (Ship Captains will make every effort to attempt to explain this to sailors.) The sleep deprivation was getting to me and I plotted all my points wrong. This does not influence our choices. When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85. Meteorologically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. 55. 83. What would you say if a stranger Ranger tries talking to you? A LOOtenant! A new recruit started singing the marine hymn Our Drill Instructor was coming out of our barracks and heard him. What would you call the sergeant if they were in the Space Force? -The jet stops whining once you turn the engine off. If God had meant for us to be in the Army, we would have been born with baggy green skin. Outside work, her interests include music, movies, travel, philanthropy, writing her blog, and reading. 16. Our puns and jokes are here for the soldiers as well as everyone else to enjoy. A seasoned veteran. Sea Adventure. You must change your course, sir., The light signals back, Im a Seaman First Class. -In their sleevies. 100. 31 Likes, 2 Comments - @armedforcesappreciation on Instagram: "#militaryjokes #military #jokes #hilarious #toofunny #navy #marines #army #airforce #laugh" A LT walked up to a SGT jumping up and down on top of a manhole saying the number 3 after every jump. Answer (1 of 2): The Chief of Staff of the Army, the Commandant of the Marine Corps, and the Chief of Naval Operations are having lunch. What did the soldier say when he forgot something? The guy sitting next to me, he continues, is 6 2, weighs 250 pounds, and he's . And if another terrific storm sprang up forward, what would you do then? asked the captain. No matter who you are rooting for, just remember that after the game were all on the same team. A magazine. Did the person serve a few years or retire from the military. If you are in the navy or you know someone who belongs to that branch, then great news! Q: What's the difference between a West Pointer and a catfish?A: One's a slimy, smelly, scumsucking bottom feeder, and the other is just a fish. What would you call it when a soldier takes a dump? Military Hospital An army major visits the sick soldiers, goes up to one private and asks: "What's your problem, Soldier?" "Chronic syphilis, Sir" "What treatment are you getting?" We also aim to surprise, but never shock you. So in my first time in a field exercise, I said to my trusty Spec4 31K Wireman "You mind the radios, and I'll run the wire over to the first outpost so I can understand your job, the better to supervise you." blonde. Later that day we were sitting around recovering and someone put up their hand and said Be honest guys how many of you drank some of the water in the worm pit. According to Military Family Advisory Network's research, in 2021, 59.4% of families living in civilian housing were paying more than $251 out of pocket each month for housing and utilities . The Air Force will take out a five-year lease with an option to buy at the end. She set out to cross over to the other side of the ridge to be out of my sight completely, about 200 yards away. Hey, buddy. Q: How many Army Cadets does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One is a member of the Gestapo, one is an Imperial Japanese officer and one is a Fascist Italian Commander. No. 23. NATO Commander in the desert. He signals, Im an aircraft carrier. By signing up you agree to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy, MIGHTY NETWORKS, 2023 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, How two military spouses are bringing faith to the military community. (Pilot Jokes & Plane Jokes) Army soldiers can't comprehend the 6-foot social distancing requirement But everyone in the Navy can fathom it. Les Listes is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. Top 17 navy jokes 1. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the chiefs penis and began to work back. Military Jokes, Soldier Puns, General Humor. The Sergeant-Major growled at the young soldier: "I didn't see you at camouflage training this morning." "Thank you very much, sir." 4. As sports entered the equation, naturally the trash talking intensified. I'm sure it was a major day for him. 72. You just shine the flashlight in their eyes. A: So they can see their Air Force. Thats why in the navy, the captain goes down with the ship. But the towns people all just shrugged. Army Jokes 24. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. So while she had sought privacy from me, she ended up being a spectacle for the 10 guys in the helicopter team! 7. Thank You U.S. Only this time, its poking fun at the bear. 4. With a Master of Arts in English, she has worked as a private tutor and, in the past few years, has moved into content writing for companies such as Writer's Zone. (Army Jokes & Covid Jokes) What did the Navy say to the coast guards? "I'll SEAL you . 7. The Public. For the past 40 years, the U.S. armed forces and our allies and partners have flown Black Hawks for countless missions -- from carrying the troops that brought Osama Bin Laden to justice to . The company commander and the sergeant were in the field. I asked my private if he was really mad. Check out below for the top 24 army jokes! 76. 47. They say, "Chow.". Then was put KP - George Gray Another true story. A man who survived pepper spray and mustard gas later joined the Navy. A general calls a colonel: Do you have a couple of smart majors? 60. Q: What does your Mom and the Bermuda Triangle have in common? 41. The next morning we were sitting around and someone said Man I fell in the creek last night going to a point. Did you hear about the accident on base? 9. But not sergeants. The Air Force will take out a 5 year lease with an option to buy. But actually they prefer the arrrrrrrrmy.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-1','ezslot_15',664,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-1-0'); The US Navy will start to equip all their subs with emotional support dogs. What do you call a military officer who goes to the bathroom a lot? Theres no exception for Army jokes. Three plays later, Army punts. What do you get when you drop a piano on an Army officer? As interagency rivalries are typical, they start bragging about which branch has the bravest service members. 11. A cool job that sounds lame: Building boats for the navy. 36. The uniform. Well, snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman. Q: Do you know why the Army football team should change its name to the "Opossums"?A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road. No. We had a land nav course in the day. Sort By New An Italian Under Interrogation Three high ranking Axis soldiers are about to be interrogated during WWII. Acronyms at their best: ARMY a recruiter misled you 2. A: Six more weeks of bad football. No matter who you are cheering for during the Army/Navy football game, we here at WATM hope youll embrace the epic nature of our top 20 trash talking memes. Navy is playing Army, which has a first down with three minutes left in the half. Cookies collect information about your preferences and your devices and are used to make the site work as you expect it to, to understand how you interact with the site, and to show advertisements that are targeted to your interests. Nope, replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys. Wink wink. Then the general yelled again do push ups!. True story- Also in 1998 SFAS. 58. This is standard West Point and Annapolis heckling, but the goes well beyond the service academies and reach into the regular Army and Navy, among pilots, special forces, and other units as well. How do you knock out a marine while hes drinking water? 3. My father used to work as a baker when he was serving. #NavyLife 8. We try our very best, but cannot guarantee perfection. 71. 15. see no nationality has been spared humiliation, and the army, navy and air. 4. They should say, "Flank you". In a wedge. 23. A degree. My laughing and "I told you so!" Some soldiers came up to my door to recruit me once. We are in the same boat. 26. From stories about life on the high seas to practical jokes that sailors play on each other, navy humor has something for everyone. You can't use it as a credible legal defense. animal. Again he is presented with the same task, without even thinking about it the Marine grabs the gun, runs to the cabin and all you can hear is 6 to 8 shots ring out. What did the sailor say to the other when they had a problem? I proceeded to set up the antenna for the radio by myself. A degree. 21. He was clearly a dessert-er. 26. However, it has lately been used to mock gun restrictions and confiscation threats. The first time he saluted, he nearly killed himself! 2,951,306. I then raised my hand and said how many of you pissed in it. Well send you tons of inspiration to help you find a hidden gem in your local area or plan a big day out. The officer got to choose what those two points would be. 84. The only Army that doesn't require individuals to wear uniforms is the Salvation army. When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85. After the 2-hour ride, the first thing I had to do upon arrival was to relieve myself. On March 3, 2023, at a White House ceremony, retired Army Colonel Paris Davis received the Medal of Honor. Military Jokes - NO banner ads! An army of baby cows has to be the calf-alry. A: So that when they come into port, they can Scandinavian. They put her in the infantry. Did you know navy bases are known as temples of the sea. An Army fan sets off a firecracker, and Navy, thinking it's the end of the half, runs off the field. A new recruit started singing the marine hymn Our Drill Instructor was coming out of our barracks and heard him. They do it with a tic attack. Best Military Jokes for All Branches 1. Here you'll get the best of puns with these Army, Air Force, and military references. Here is Will and Guy's collection of funny military pictures, as you will. Hence, the Army will post guards in specific vulnerable areas. #GoArmy, One branch is breaking down doors in the name of freedom. These jokes poke fun at the largest military branch to date, we can all slap our knees at its expense. U.S.M.C.= United States Mommy's Crybabies, Military Unit names and location where the person served, Dates the person was in the military, Birthdate, or Service number, Location where the person was born, entered the military, and left the military. 56. Who is the most noteworthy group in the Army? A vet. When he comes out he says I tried talking myself into it but I just couldnt do it, because I love her too much. 5. "Not good coach," said the players. Airborne. Oooooh, burn. I was in the Army. I was on an exercise at the NTC in the Mojave desert.