But I just watched this documentary on ecstasy users whose brains were literally rotting away (Ah!!! I have two young sons I dearly hope neither of them ever come across a woman as conniving as you appear to be. But, the real reason you cant let go is because you feel bad that youve invested 4 years into this relationship hoping it would lead to something, and all you got is heartbreak, and him getting another woman pregnant. April 9, 2012, 5:08 pm. when i was single i acted as if the other people i was involved with werent thinking about it. Again, youre defending this guys right to have sex and that is absurd to me. Just like we trust people when they say they got tested? And without condoms?! And oxygen. Birth control isnt full-proof. Beyond that, no one really cares that he jumped in bed with another woman right after they broke up only to decide that he cant live without her after getting said woman pregnant. bittergaymark The sex was good. Regardless of the law which I think is enforced far more often than not it seems wrong to me to argue that men have no control over whether a child is born but are legally bound to pay child support, whereas women can end the pregnancy or put the child up for adoption. I think both sexes can own that one (although your estimate of what % of children born today are born to single patents is inaccurate). Im not a lawyer, or in any way familiar with the law about these things, so my assumption is based on what a friend told me first hand about his experience. She doesnt tell the waiter that she has a peanut allergy, because she assumes that simply ordering a dish without peanuts in it will protect her. REALLY?! No, he could be furious at the legal system that compelled it or at the woman (who, by the way, was equally culpable in the creation) who opts to continue with a child only she wants.. The kid has no blame here. Do whats best for you, as difficult as that is. reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2008): A I think this is a very fair and reasonable response, I wonder if she will think so too. Im not so sure why he isnt allowed to be angry at her decision to keep the baby. All my friends want me to leave him, saying it's not worth it anymore. And I called him out on condom use because truly that should be something we all think about when having non-monogamous sex EVEN if the woman is taking another form of birth control. April 10, 2012, 9:36 am. It was one of those comments that deserved the opportunity to be liked twice anyway. Is it fair the the woman has to be the one to undergo a surgical, often time traumatic procedure when a man can just move and disappear? Rather than holding him responsible, you have focused on the other women. I am very much in love with my husband and believe him when he says he loves me too. April 9, 2012, 3:07 pm. They came first. The obligation would fall solely on the mother. Some of the best advice my mom ever gave me way back in the day was Listen. You want some advice? The only ones who dont are the ones who dont ask for it and/or whom the court deems is unable or unfit to. Then the unlikely happens. If this is the case with this woman, then she may well not be at all thrilled to be pregnant and not expecting anything from this guy. We ended up keeping in touch for months and talked about working things out. You deserve better than that (and ditto what everyone else has said your beef is with your scumbag boyfriend, not the other girl or the baby). So, if MEN can be compelled to support children after rape, you must also support the idea that WOMEN can be compelled to support that child in the womb after THEY get raped. After dating him for about 3 months, she got pregnant with his baby. Here is the truth: After a break up you create a hierarchy. It makes sense that she would do everything she could to convince us that this other woman wanting to keep the child is the worse thing ever because theyre obviously meant to be and this childs existence is a testament to the fact that their (former and/or current) relationship wasnt/isnt perfect. Can you elaborate? Therefore, move on. . Or shes against abortion. Anyone would be angry in this situation. 8 Red Flags that Her Pregnancy is a Trap. Nor is there any guarantee that the woman who tells you that she doesnt want to have a baby wont change her mind when faced with that decision. Nice try. Im sorry you feel you are in the minority. I dont think hes scum based on this either. But it happened. Its no excuse but no one will every be able to explain men. Its not a crime to have unprotected sex, dangerous and irresponsible, but not a crime. You need to be consistent in your line of reasoning.. April 10, 2012, 7:35 pm. He does nothing about the situation and when I try to talk about it, we never resolve the issue; he just says Im right but does nothing about it because she continues to do it. Men will never have to make that choice. April 9, 2012, 2:37 pm, Well, its always possible that shes NOT in her right mind. Welcome.In todays video I PRANK MY GIRLFRIEND !I GOT ANOTHER GIRL PREGNANT PRANK ON GIRLFRIEND. In a feature I call Your Turn, in which you, the readers, get to answer the question, Im presenting the following letter without commentary from me: I told him to stay with her and have this family as I dont want to be any cause for them breaking up, but he told me there was no way he was staying with her because he cant stand her. Run as if your life depends on it because it does. Maybe because she wants a tie to the LWs boyfriend. A human being on this earth that is 50% like you. Yes everyone went bonkers. Another thing that happened in my friends case is that at the same time that they signed things to waive his parental rights, the mother had the child adopted by her fiance and then her fiances name was put on the birth certificate from the get go (though, this was all done behind my friends back and that part was done without his consent, nor was even discussed). April 10, 2012, 10:41 am. I recommend you seek individual therapy and process your feelings. People are calling him scum because hes a guy who doesnt want to become a father to that womans child. Just sayin there are options, oral being only one of them. But I agree no one should tell anyone what they can and cant do with their own bodies. Now its your turn to sit in her chair, Dr. Sherry,My fianc cheated, we broke up but then got back together. Boy, for someone who cant live without you, he sure didnt wait to go out and sleep with someone else! Can I interject for a moment and note that CUSTODY isnt generally whats tied to support; PLACEMENT is. Would you tell the parents that you would gladly pay for the funeral, but you want nothing else to do with what happened, and that you are going to go live your life like nothing did? If the man doesnt, apparently you feel that he should not have that option. Also, I dont understand why you spend your whole letter insulting her instead of him. And how can you be mad at the woman? Im not saying this guy is wonderful by any means. Cold, but I suppose not unheard of. I get unsettled and frustrated whenever I see my ex girlfriend's photos on Facebook with her boyfriend and pictures of the ultrasound of their baby. I showed up late to the hot debate in the comments (damn you work lol), but to put this in perspective for me, I was born to relatively young parents and now at 25, my dad is a few years older then this gem of a man in this letter. Plenty dont. She says the girl says she got pregnant while on birth control, puh leaaaaaaaaaase. First of all, she seems to think her boyfriends reaction is completely reasonable. I dont ever remember being heartbroken about not having a father. And, lo and behold, you arent coming across any better. him: I would prefer if you had an abortion. Steve Kellmeyer Well, the law is schizophrenic. However, I realize thats a pipe dream. Case in point: my mother was mentally ill, verbally and physically abusive, and vindictive enough to hurt my siblings and I just to spite my father, and she STILL got joint custody. Yea, it does sound even more ridiculous today. April 9, 2012, 10:34 pm. The female of the species carry the offspring. He was able to find someone else to keep him company. The fact that he doesnt means hes no good for either of you. is significantly higher than the risk of contracting HIV, which is actually not all that contagious. At least with adopted children, they usually have one or two great parents who can explain, in a way that doesnt hurt them or damage their self-worth, why they were put up for adoption. Men should be held at least halfway responsible for the resulting pregnancy and child but should have no authority to decide upon his involvement. Pardon me, butare you fucking KIDDING me?! He cant be irresponsible and fail to take every reasonable effort to avoid pregnancy (doubling up on BC and using condoms, getting a vasectomy, or only having sex with women he knows beyond a shadow of a doubt also do not want to bring children into the world), and then act surprised and angry when it happens anyways. Youre right Leroy- the really crazy, dramatic ones are the minority and I tend to ignore them as well. But then, I guess I like giving people the benefit of the doubt. Nothing more, nothing less. Its that theyre more likely to be honest about not wearing them when something bad results. bittergaymark That reasoning, btw, comes from Karen DeCrow, feminist attorney and former president of NOW. If this is the case then your friend is in the clear because he has no legal responsibility any more. If someone decides to risk becoming a parent by having sex, especially unprotected sex, or by letting a pregnancy continue to the point where a baby is born, they are consenting to be responsible for any child that is produced. And not because he deserved it for having possibly unprotected sex. Rachelgrace53 savannah Both sexes suffer from inequalities in the reproductive process due to biology. April 9, 2012, 6:54 pm. April 9, 2012, 9:37 am. I think Dan Savage an Santorum have some sexual tension though. Now Im confused. Yes, its shitty. But biology runs the show and grown adults know the game going in. Furthermore, dont tell me what to do with my body and I wont tell you what to do with yours, little girl. And thats why I wouldnt want anything to do with him in the first place. What should I do, View related questions: The letter writers bf is furious at the woman having his child. He loves me and doesnt care about the mother but wants to be there for the child, but said he doesnt have to and wil wait for the DNA test. Exactly where is there a grown-up here? I have zero sympathy for for any guy crying about how hes stuck paying for a child he doesnt want. April 9, 2012, 6:39 pm, Oh, please. April 9, 2012, 9:23 am. Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean and LIKE Terrance Dean on Facebook, clickHERE! Who actually uses cod wollop, malarky and scroat? Just because shes decided to not have an abortion because your boyfriend cant stand her and doesnt want anything to do with her or the innocent child, who, like it or not, he helped create, doesnt mean shes trying to trap him or that shes a scroat. WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR BOYFRIENDS PROBLEM. And now onto you, ummmm you say he cant bare to be without you and never loved anyone as much as he loves you.well his actions sure say otherwise. John Rohan And he is furious with this woman for keeping the baby after only knowing each other two minutes. Man, I was having a crappy morning and now I feel SO MUCH BETTER, because Im not this LW. reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2008): A I do not think he has a duty to be there for the child he never wanted and made it known he did not want to have with time to do something about it. Everyone seems to assume he didnt use a condom, but nothing in the letter says that. I know youve been in a tough situation and the fact that you and your daughter came out of it the amazingly awesome people you are shows that all a kid needs is an amazing mother who wants to provide for her kid at whatever cost to herself. And if you arent ready for a child, then use a goddamn condom.. Its not fair to create more fucked up human beings by being the father a kid never had; by making them think theres something about them that wasnt good enough. Im not saying its a trivial thing, but its nothing compared to birth. For all you know she could be 35 and realize that this may be her one chance to have a baby. I totally understand. First things first, get yourself to a doctor or Planned Parenthood or somewhere like that and get tested for STDS! So he and the LW should break up for good. This is my question for you. However, hey, feel free to pretend its still 2000 BC. A real man steps up to be there for the baby, more than just money for the baby, and to be there for the mother even if he cant stand her. Addie Pray Not only was she on the pill, but he wore a condom! That was his choice, but what hes done is made you feel sorry for him. I do think he has a legal and monetary one, which he has stepped up to. Fortunately, its a well known fact that theres no 100% guarantee with birth control. Its very unfair. It was definitely his decision too. Terrance Dean. He seems to be playing into a lot of her fantasies, plus providing a ready excuse why hell never have any money.
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