Pat Sajak A backbone. 222. 45. 128. I get it nowIm single because Im a superhero., See also: 140 Single Quotes For Instagram Celebrating Single Life. Sarcasm is a tool of highly intelligent people and if youre one of them (I bet you are), youre going to love these funny affirmations that are filled with humor and sarcasm. Which affirmation put a smile on your face? Its not important to win, its important to make the other guy lose. I dont like morning people, or mornings, or people. If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. As you can see, laughter is already a powerful tool on its own. You cant have everything, where would you put it? Making everyone angry, piece of cake. 141. The following is the list of some humorous affirmations for you: I am doing all the amazing things because I am an amazing human being. No one is immune to self-sabotage, heartbreak, loss, and failure. There might be affiliate links on this page, which means we get a small commission of anything you buy. You know you are lazy when you get excited about canceling your plans. Im full of funny ideas waiting to be expressed. My windows arent dirty, my dog is painting. I only check my voicemail to get rid of the annoying little icon. Batwoman: single. To the guy who created imaginary numbers in math: I hate you. 14. 249. I love the moment when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today., 12. I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge. What doesnt kill you makes your drinks stronger., 10. Robert Bloch. 279. Without further ado, let's look at 20 funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. All you need is love. "I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. You might enjoy: Affirmations: 13 Answers You Should Know. 118. A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours. I dont need a psychologist to dig into my personal life and ask me about all of my secrets, thats what my friends are for!, 13. I love my computer because all my friends live inside it. 99. 6. Snowballs. I sometimes might be too much, but I am always enough. 156. I am willing to ask for help when it serves my growth. 133. Work smarter, not for owning iPhones, but for not fearing their breaks., 3. 176. Home: Where I can look ugly and not care. Positive mindset affirmations. 118. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. Oscar Wilde, 5. 19. A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have. Repeat the affirmation as many times as you see fit. I didnt give you the finger, you earned it. 195. Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you. 84. 162. 13. We all need a little energy boost here and there. 193. 81. 43. Not saying I hate you, but if your face was on fire and I had a glass of water, Id drink it. 164. How do trees access the internet? 99. I honor that time. Today I was a hero. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldnt complain. I should have theme music every time I enter a room. You wanna know who Im in love with? 223. Walter Bagehot. ~ Bill Gates. Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control. 96. My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it. The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. When and How to Let Them Know, How To Cheer Yourself Up When Feeling Down, 5 Things To Discuss With Your Partner Before Marriage, Funny Positive Affirmations For Self-Esteem, 50+ Powerful Positive Affirmations For Exams, 70+ Positive Affirmations For Teens From Parents. 224. 219. I dont need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry. Love your enemies. Not me, but somebody does. 61. 2. My chins are a stairway to heaven. The chains on my mood swing just snapped. Please do your own research before making any online purchase. I make people laugh, whether its with me or at me. Forget the butterflies, I feel the entire zoo in my stomach when Im with you. Unknown. 98. Who cares about the future? Bill Murray, 251. 46. May your yoga pants be stretchy, your coffee be strong and your Wednesday be short., See also: 120 Inspiring Wednesday Morning Blessings To Motivate You. "Life is like a roller coaster pic - scary at the moment, funny looking back.". 151. no rich foods. Our toaster has two settings: too soon or too late. No matter how bad it gets, Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. You may think youll never get over it, but you will, and youll be fine., 7. In the morning, I cant get up. For beginners who still struggle with letting their voice out, I recommend starting with funny affirmations that will relax you and make you laugh. Some people are like clouds. I am on a seafood diet. Your email address will not be published. Dont let anything or anyone stop you from achieving what you truly aspire. What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? 220. Why become moody when you can shake your booty. Bill Murray They log in. Also read: 70+ Positive Affirmations For Teens From Parents. 39. I enjoy every minute of it. 124. Alexa, please clean the negativity off of my mind please., 4. Nothing, they just waved. You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here. I celebrate the highs, learn from the lows and now I release it into the past. 26. I deserve sugar, spice, and all things nice. However, just saying these statements out loud wont cut it. I have committed to being my most outstanding self. If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible? Art doesnt transform. Even if youre a skeptic, you must admit these funny affirmations really work. "It's only WednesdayHang in there!". We all have different and distinctive senses of humor thats what makes us such unique individuals. Finally, if you want a simple tool to record and recite these affirmations, then check out these 13 affirmations apps that help you create a positive mindset. The only relationship I have is with my Wifi. I am already great, and I am yet to reach my full potential. Friends buy you food. I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing. 158. I stick to things until I get to my destination. 115. I dont need you to remind me of my age at work, I have a bladder that will do that for me. 105. Im not here to judge, Im just pointing out all the mistakes youre making. I enjoy every minute of it. - Billie Burke. 218. 211. 40. When, in fact, we must be optimistic and supportive of ourselves. 229. Let these funny affirmation quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day. 9. People say you cant live without love, but I think oxygen is more important. Waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn, hardest thing in the world. 9. I choose to stop obsessing about my body. Given below are some short quotes to tickle your funny bone. 86. The world is my buffet, and my plate is ready to go. Unit #2007 Mahwah, NJ 07430, 50 Funny Affirmations for Confidence, Motivation, and Self-Love, 39 Movies about Friendship and Being with Great People, Relationship OCD: Symptoms, Causes, and How to Treat, 45 Best Hobbies for Couples to Share Together, 51 Passion Project Ideas & Examples List for 2023, 21 Best Films That Explore Mental Illness, 41 Words of Encouragement for Someone in Jail, The 5 Best Vitamins for Anxiety (Our 2023 Review), 101 Toxic People Quotes to Stay Away from Negativity, 57 Strong Mom Quotes About Being a Powerful Parent, 7 Steps to Deal with Emotionally Unavailable Parents, 35 Best Songs About What Its Like to Have Anxiety. 264. So with that being said, heres a list of funny affirmations to motivate you to come out of your comedic shell. 17. Start your day on a positive and lighter note with these funny daily affirmations and quotes to get you through. 215. Its a door, thats how they work. Dont drink to forget me, youll end up seeing me double. It can get you out of a tight corner and people who lack a sense of humor cannot do. 230. 162. These funny ideas are smart and a bit sarcastic and will bring a smile to your face. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. 232. 101. 123. 165. Dave Barry. You can think about your affirmations at work, while driving, when you practice yoga, and when you spend time with your . Car Dealership: The best way to get back on your feet, miss a car payment. This might be a work in progress, or you might need to remind yourself of how funny you actually are. If Im not there, I go to work. Robert Orben, 4. The most important thing to remember when using positive affirmations is that it is all about how you feel. This is because, in order to be funny, there are certain details that need to be perfectly delivered. My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them. Your email address will not be published. 62. I may stumble along the way, but I will get over it. Seeing a spider in my room isnt scary. 24. Not me, but somebody does. What happens to a frogs car when it breaks down? 247. Short people with an umbrella. 113. Explore the latest videos from hashtags: #affirmations, #affirmation, #funnyaffirmation, #dailyaffirmations, #affirmationsoftheday, # . Give me a photo of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas. Quotes that make no sense Photo: pexels.com (modified by author) Source: UGC. It makes them so damned mad. You can write them on sticky notes to set on your mirror, on the notes app in your phone for on-the-go encouragement, or you can simply memorize your favorites and recite . Here, we are listing down some awesome funny positive affirmations that will bring out serious positive changes in you. They say dont try this at home so Im coming over to your house to try it. Waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn, hardest thing in the world. 202. If Monday had a face, I would punch it. Whatever I do, I will do it for fun, but with dedication and focus. Albert Einstein About Us | Privacy Policy | Terms | Contact 2023 Quotement. Don't forget to be awesome. I put my phone in airplane mode, but its not flying. I would have appreciated exams if they had allowed our Pokemons and Ninjas. I cant make everyone happy, Im not tequila. A wishbone. Steven Alexander Wright My boss is like a baby, screams and wakes me up every half hour. 273. I attract the right people and repel the wrong ones. If you dont succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried. Relaxing the mind with some funny affirmations is an easy way to reduce stress and keep yourself grounded in moments of turmoil. 106. Bill Murray 205. To put your affirmations into practice, follow these steps. Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a pool. The only relationship I have is with my Wifi. 242. I dont think thats a coincidence. My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry. 147. Best friends eat your food. When shit hits the fan at work, I turn it into fertilizer., 10. I hope you have a ridiculously amazing day. You can make friends and have good relationships if you believe in your sense of humor and fill your mind with funny and positive thoughts. I intend to live forever. 251. Im going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, Im outstanding. Description for this block. 96. What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? Life is always easier with some humor, smiles, laughter and fun. Never forget that broken crayons can also color. Check out our funny affirmations selection for the very best in unique or custom, handmade pieces from our encouragement cards shops. Czech proverb My sense of humor makes the world a better place., 8. 250. Albert Einstein, 190. 94. I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome., 15. Decomposing. If people are talking behind your back, be happy that you are the one in front. I wasnt mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if Im mad.. yes, Im mad! If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldnt have a job if he was any smarter. John Gotti, 6. 200. Im amusing and make the people around me happy. Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake. 225. Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesnt contain any calories. We frequently doubt ourselves. I feel great. In between, I am alive., 7. 237. Theres no stopping me now. Jackie Collins, 240. 25. 80. I never apologize. All you need is love. Marriage is like a walk in the park, Jurassic Park. 52. - Benjamin Franklin. 181. Thank God Im an atheist. 97. I see food, and I eat it. - Christopher Reeve. Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize. 239. I am enough. 25. The library, because it has so many stories. At night, I cant fall asleep. I intend to live forever. On Mercury, a day lasts 1,408 hours. "I am becoming humorous day by day.". Stop trying to make everyone happy. health is important. Maybe there are no excuses to be lazy, but Im still going to keep looking. Here are some tips on how to make the most of using these humorous affirmations: Laughter and affirmations are already powerful separately, so imagine what they can do for you when combined. Giving up on your goal because of one setback is like slashing your other three tires because you got a flat., 6. 61. 269. Funny Daily Affirmations. Or maybe, you just love cracking jokes and making people laugh. Stop playing with me., 6. Stop texting me in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my text. Every day is a gift, thats why they call it the present. 2. 119. 36. 9. 172. 135. 79. 1. Everyone wants to talk with me because I am very funny. Begin your days with these powerful, funny affirmations for self-esteem. It equates "weight loss" with thoughts like: I can. 266. Leave me a if you agree! 175. Yes, of course, I am athletic, I surf the Internet every day. I love my job only when Im on vacation. What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? On Mercury, a day lasts 1,408 hours. My farts aren't nearly as bad as my dogs'. Oh sheet!. Franklin Jones, 259. Are these genes in your jeans or are you just happy to see me? What did one ocean say to the other ocean? 103. I dont need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning. 163. 74. Go to bed with satisfaction.". I can engage in small acts of kindness to uplift other people. It takes less time to do things right than to explain why you did it wrong. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, 9. 262. I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up? Nobody gets out alive anyway. Every time I like the taste of the food, I am damn sure that its unhealthy for me. Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it. My boss is like a baby, screams and wakes me up every half hour. 182. .People who enjoy making other people laugh are also known to be more detail oriented. You might use humor as a coping mechanism. They log in. If at first, you dont succeed, so much for skydiving. 28. 234. Required fields are marked *. Stuart Turner "Once you choose hope, anything's possible.". Feel free to pick a few of these affirmations and say them to yourself the next time youre overwhelmed, stressed, or just dealing with negative self-talk. Just like every Monday does on Earth. I believed in Santa Claus for 10 years. 117. I bet giraffes dont even know what farts smell like. Henny Youngman The best way for me to appreciate my job is to imagine myself without one. Whatever you must do todaydo it with the confidence of a 4-year-old in a Batman cape., 2. 209. Why cant you play cards on a small boat? Friday Affirmations. "May your yoga pants be stretchy, your coffee be strong and your Wednesday be short.". My to-do list doesnt include dealing with negative people. We have a connection. - Jeffrey Gitomer. Oh sheet! Youre just gonna feel embarrassed for a minute or two and then it will be over. 23. A backbone. (John 14:27) 27. Positive affirmations kind of set the way how your day will flow. 1. Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. 216. 112. Read the first word again. Ken Dodd Never take life seriously. East If the funny affirmations that Ive put together dont break your cool, then feel free to throw on a comedy special on Netflix or Youtube when you feel stressed. Short Positive Affirmations "I Am" Affirmations. I radiate calmness and tranquility, with a little side of body odor., 4. Why cant you play cards on a small boat? I am intelligent. If you were able to believe in Santa Claus for 8 -9 years, you can believe in yourself for at least 5 minutes. 126. I keep moving forward even if my pants come off. Of course, I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice. Can February march? Ive got three bones. 209. But a little chocolate now and then doesnt hurt. Im not lazy, Im on power saving mode. So, watch your words, restructure your thoughts, and stay positive if you want to see a change in your life. Its time to be much more intentional about the words that we tell ourselves and take a step back from all of lifes noise. 218. It has nothing new to tell you. Bill Murray Jonathan lockwood huie. If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door. Read next: 45 Self-Compassion Affirmations to Practice when Feeling Low. I will tell the negative voice inside my head to shut up. When I can laugh at myself, life becomes so much easier. If you think nobody cares if youre alive, try missing a couple of car payments. 213. 8. You can write them down and use them whenever youre attending a social event or if you simply just want to make yourself laugh. Hes dreaming too. Whenever I get back home, I lose all the superpowers that I had when with friends. Since not all of us are blessed with the ability to throw a joke the right way, we thought of helping you out by giving you these ridiculously short funny quotes. Dont worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button. 26. I am awesome. 1. Sam Levenson. Decomposing. The world is missing some pizzazz. I tried, but they wanted cash. 97. Never let anyone waste your time twice. Your words become your actions. I dont know, but the flag is a big plus. 40. 231. Pardon me, I have 6 pounds of boneless mass to get rid of. Life doesnt have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes. Im old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway. I make the right choices every time. Not only can laughter improve our problem-solving skills, but it can also help battle various diseases. The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep. 114. 150. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wifes mother. - F. "Your mistakes don't define you.". 268. My goal this weekend is to move, just enough so people dont think Im dead. Art doesnt transform. 4. 236. "When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.". I wonder why spiderman narrated it the other way round. I didnt fall, Im just spending some quality time with the floor. 119. Nine out of ten people love chocolate, and the 10th person is always lying. 2. Today, I am thankful for this week. Send me the link. 154. 108. You may hear crickets when you try to tell a joke. 50. Pampered cows produce spoiled milk. Dont give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer. The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. 45. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? Im old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway. Bill Murray, 257.